Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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