woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
