i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
