Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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