hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
