I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
