Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
