This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
