she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
