so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
