they need to just BURY HIM!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
