smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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