It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
