I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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