You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
