i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
