laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
