Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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