Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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