i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My breasts were aching with rage.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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