Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
