I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
