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I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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