Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
