I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
