If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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