Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
