STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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