You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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