please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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