we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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