guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
