I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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