Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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