why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
