If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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