Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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