Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
