I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
is wine microwaveable?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
