did you get engaged???
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
