its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
