I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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