we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
