It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
