direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
