I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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