But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
