So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
