just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
