Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
