you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
