Someone shit on the floor
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
