I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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