I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
