just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
