I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
